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Is this some sort of sign? - Ladeephoenix
Pushing the limits of sleep deprivation
ladeephoenix
ladeephoenix
Is this some sort of sign?
Earlier this week, all of the vending machines here at work decided to mutiny. Decided they either weren't going to accept coins, or they certainly weren't to cough up any as change. Post-It™ Notes started popping up all over like zits on prom night, all demanding justice: "Owes so-and-so 35¢" "Owes another so-and-so 50¢" and "Can I get my life back, too, while I'm at it?" I am convinced that the Pepsi machine is actually a singularity in space-time, into which money may travel, but from which it will never emerge. Yet people insist on dropping their hard-earned ducats into it. Apparently, these are the same folks you'll find playing the slots in Vegas at 5 in the morning. At one point, I actually posted a sign:
The definition of blind faith:
Doing the exact same thing as others before you
and expecting a different result.
(It's actually a reiteration of the definition of stupidity, but I figured I should tone it down for work.)

I can only surmise that the Pepsi machine has been the leader of this particular Vending Machine rebellion, inciting the others with its insidious electronic hum and pretty glowing lights. Soon, the Coke machine was withholding money. Then the snack machine. Then the other snack machine. The other day, I put in a dollar, got my 75¢ snack, and no quarter. Perhaps I should've remembered my "blind faith" sign.

I put up my own Post-It™ Note, suggesting that the machine could at any moment begin "dispensing" pea soup into people's faces and was in dire need of a Catholic priest.

And then I went on vacation yesterday, and forgot all about it.

When I came back today, I had an envelope from the vending machine man sitting on my desk. Oh, goody. My hard-earned ducat was being returned from out the abyss. I opened the envelope.

IT. WAS. EMPTY.

It's a sign. A conspiracy. The End is near. All machines should be approached with extreme caution.

Disclaimer: Post-It™ is a registred trademark. Should anyone infringe upon it, you will find a Cease and Desist order stuck to your front door - written on several hundred Post-It™ Notes.
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Comments
bonobochick From: bonobochick Date: January 29th, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
I thought that was the definition of insanity. =P

sarge_5150 From: sarge_5150 Date: January 31st, 2005 10:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Many years ago, I had to come to work Way Too Early and missed breakie. Later that morning, my blood sugar dropped precipitously low and I made a rare trip to the Vending Machine of Evil. Sure enough, after taking my money, it dangled my treat from its malevolent coil, taunting me. Nothing I pushed brought me either my treat or my money. So I did what any righteous person would do.

I gave it an ass-kicking.

Well, not strictly an ass-kicking since it has none. But I delivered a powerful fury of blows about its, er, head and shoulders. Sadly it retained its pernicious grip on my treat.

All ended well, though. The extremely nice and cute office manager took pity on me and gave infernal machine more money. Suitably appeased, it finally delivered the goods.
sarge_5150 From: sarge_5150 Date: February 2nd, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Did you LJ account expire or something? Email to your LJ email address bounced. :-/
ladeephoenix From: ladeephoenix Date: February 5th, 2005 07:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes, I'd let it expire, but have since changed my mind and have renewed my paid account. Email should work again shortly. :)
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