Earlier this week, all of the vending machines here at work decided to mutiny. Decided they either weren't going to accept coins, or they certainly weren't to cough up any as change. Post-It™ Notes started popping up all over like zits on prom night, all demanding justice: "Owes so-and-so 35¢" "Owes another so-and-so 50¢" and "Can I get my life back, too, while I'm at it?" I am convinced that the Pepsi machine is actually a singularity in space-time, into which money may travel, but from which it will never emerge. Yet people insist on dropping their hard-earned ducats into it. Apparently, these are the same folks you'll find playing the slots in Vegas at 5 in the morning. At one point, I actually posted a sign:
The definition of blind faith:
Doing the exact same thing as others before you
and expecting a different result.
(It's actually a reiteration of the definition of stupidity, but I figured I should tone it down for work.)
I can only surmise that the Pepsi machine has been the leader of this particular Vending Machine rebellion, inciting the others with its insidious electronic hum and pretty glowing lights. Soon, the Coke machine was withholding money. Then the snack machine. Then the other snack machine. The other day, I put in a dollar, got my 75¢ snack, and no quarter. Perhaps I should've remembered my "blind faith" sign.
I put up my own Post-It™ Note, suggesting that the machine could at any moment begin "dispensing" pea soup into people's faces and was in dire need of a Catholic priest.
And then I went on vacation yesterday, and forgot all about it.
When I came back today, I had an envelope from the vending machine man sitting on my desk. Oh, goody. My hard-earned ducat was being returned from out the abyss. I opened the envelope.
IT. WAS. EMPTY.
It's a sign. A conspiracy. The End is near. All machines should be approached with extreme caution.
Disclaimer: Post-It™ is a registred trademark. Should anyone infringe upon it, you will find a Cease and Desist order stuck to your front door - written on several hundred Post-It™ Notes.